Create

/ Marissa / 1 Comment

So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27

IMG_6680 Our God is infinitely creative.  Every person, every fingerprint, every leaf and snowflake is unique.  A new creation.  Rocks, buried in the ground, formed in every color of the rainbow, so striking and beautiful that we dig them up and hang them around our necks.  The blood hidden in our veins, red.  The sky, a soaring canvas of blue.  The leaves, an engrossing progression of green, and then, all of a sudden, golden.  Why?  If efficiency were God’s key value, then we would probably live in a mosaic of beige.

Then there is food.  the brightness of a tomato, the richness of 2014-11-14 11.52.19chocolate, the liquid velvet of wine.  Things didn’t need to taste good, God created them to.  And sound.  The whisper of wind through the treetops, the chatter of the birds, the wrenching beauty of music.  Our God wasn’t interested in being functional when he created this place we inhabit.  His goal was beauty.

I’m tired of living a utilitarian life.  I want to be surrounded by beauty.  I want to make a discipline of finding it wherever I am, and then choosing to marvel.  At home, I want to create a space inhabited by beauty.  Not necessarily by buying expensive things, but instead, arranging the things I have purposefully, so that there are glimpses of beauty all around.

Another thing to note.  God made me as a person intensely creative.  I am just now beginning to recognize that not 2014-11-03 16.31.14everyone is built this way.  I have a burning need to create.  To think new thoughts.  To do new things.  To create art, to write out words, to sing songs and to… make stuff.  I am not trying to brag at all, by the way.  There is just a lot of stuff inside me that needs out.  And when I go to long without indulging my need to create, I get antsy.  Itchy.  Another word that rhymes with itchy.

The easiest way to ease the pressure?  Make stuff.  Crochet a hat.  Plan a youth event.  Write a poem.  Paint a picture. This year, I want to make a weekly (daily?) discipline of exercising my creativity.

Here is another truth.2014-12-31 21.12.55  When I make stuff, I can give stuff to people.  Why not use my need to create as a way to bless others?  For me, it is not so much about the end result as it is about the process.  Case in point: this blog isn’t so much about you reading it as it is about me writing it.  If I create a painting- give it to someone who needs to know they are loved.  If I make a scarf, let it be a hug for someone who needs it.  Why not?  God creates, and we are the beneficiaries of it.  When you think about it that way, it seems like giving is inextricably linked to making…

say YES!

/ Marissa / 1 Comment

IMG_6545As a working mother of a toddler, I live in a world of no.  No.  You can’t eat Ritz crackers for dinner.  No, you can’t play with the sidewalk chalk when it is 8 degrees and dark outside.  No.  You can’t watch ANOTHER hour of Thomas the Train on Netflix.  No, no, no, no, no.

The other day, I picked up Colton from school, and he raced to his cubby.  He pulled out a neon blue lollipop and told me he had earned it at school today, and that he wanted to give it to ME.   Could I open it now?  No, Colton, we can’t open it now.  We are going to get your sister and we can’t be all sticky.  Once the kids were settled in the car, Colton asked again if I wanted to eat my lollipop. No Colton, we are headed to church supper.  We shouldn’t eat a lollipop right before dinner.  Then, heading home from church… No Colton, it’s almost bedtime. This isn’t time for candy.  The next morning at breakfast, Colton asked me if I wanted my lollipop, and tears sprang to my eyes.  My precious son was trying to give me the lollipop he earned as his prize at school.  Why was I rejecting it over and over?  So right then and there I unwrapped it.  I had candy for breakfast, and a bright blue tongue to remind me of the little boy who wanted to give me a the one thing he had to give.

I think I have started saying no so much that it is now my automatic reaction.  I call it the ‘knee jerk no’.  But I don’t want my relationship with my child to be centered around the things he can’t do.  I want to take the time to really celebrate the everyday magic in life.  So I am going to focus on learning when to say YES!

Yes.  We can read another story before bedtime.

Yes.  You can bake cookies without your shirt on.
and yes.  you can eat the dough.  That’s the whole point of making cookies!

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Yes.  You can choose your outfit today.

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Yes.  Your mother loves you, and yes, she is available and present with you.

With each yes, I see a bit more of the magic of childhood.  I remember what it was like to feel the cold breeze of winter as a novelty and not an imposition.  I remember that it is fun to take a long bubble bath with lots of toys, to wear mismatched pajamas, and that the world will not end if bedtime is 15 minutes late.  I remember that I only have this moment with my little boy one time and that it is a gift to be reveled in, not endured, or scheduled to the teeth.

Saying yes to Colton entails more than just spontaneity.  I must also learn to say NO to other things.  Extra work projects.  My mental to do list.  Even good things, like time with friends or fun events.

And there are still many no’s to be said… I am still trying to raise a God-loving, responsible, unselfish human being.  But I want to remember that part of my role as a parent is to show the joy in life as well as the rules…

And then there’s this…

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!  So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Matthew 7:9-12

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our God.

/ Marissa / Leave a comment

I have always had a close relationship with God.  Growing up, I never knew a time when I didn’t belive, when I didn’t know Jesus.  I started reading my Bible when I was young.  My faith has sustained me through  the hardest times of my life.

However, I always felt like my faith was a private thing.  I didn’t often talk about my prayer life, about my time spent reading my Bible, or in devotions.  People knew I was a Christian, but the everyday mechanics of my faith felt like an intensely private thing to me.  The heart of this was good.  I didn’t want to alienate others, or make others feel intimidated by my relationship with God, or feel like they had to compare their walk with mine.

However, in that privacy, a seed of sin was planted.  A tiny sprout of pride grew, and its roots settled into my heart.  It looked spiritual, and sounded virtuous, so I didn’t recognize it for what it was.  But when I read about Mary finding favor with God, or David being a man after God’s own heart, I smiled inwardly, feeling that I had a place amongst this elite club.  I read my Bible cover to cover every year.  As years passed, and I had read my Bible 10, 11, 12 times, I began to feel as if I had this God stuff figured out.  It’s ironic, because I didn’t share my devotional practices with anyone because I didn’t want to seem to be bragging.  And yet, my heart was as prideful as they come.

As I have written before, last year I intentionally DIDN’T read my Bible through.  I spent the entire year in John.  Reading a verse at a sitting, instead of many chapters.  It was hard.  Incredibly hard, I felt a nagging voice in my head telling me that I wasn’t achieving enough for God.  But, for the first time, I was talking openly about my faith.  I started speaking with a spiritual director.  I started this blog.  I forced myself to say out loud that I have read the Bible all the way though.

And as I let the light in, I see my faith for what it is.  Strong.  Ordinary.  Treasured.  Human.  SO much more dependent on God’s faithfulness to me than mine to Him.

IMG_6647As the year began to draw to a close, I found myself wondering what was next.  Read another book?  Slow or fast?  What was I to do?  And then God answered.  I was meeting with a girl from the youth group, and she was asking me about how to read the Word of God.  We decided to read the Bible this year together.  Meeting every few weeks to talk about it.  Devotion, with fellowship.  Accountability.  Engaging together with scripture, and with God.

This is how our faith is meant to be.  Don’t get me wrong- our God is PERSONAL. You can’t read scripture and not see that (check Psalm 139 for proof).  But our faith is not meant to be private.  God instructs Christians as a community.  In scripture, most of the time when we read the word ‘you’, it is meant to be plural, not singular.  John Dyer explains this concept better than I can..

…Since the Protestant Reformation we’ve tended to emphasize the salvation of the individual and, with inverse proportion, downplayed God’s work in the Church as a community of people.

There are, of course, many reasons for this, but I think that two technologies (i.e. human inventions) have exacerbated the issue: (a) The technology of the book which encourages us to encounter Scripture textually in isolation rather than orally in a group; and (b) The technology of the English language (again, a human creation) which doesn’t have an agreed upon second person plural and therefore discards or hides important biblical data.

The scriptures were originally shared orally, told from parents to children, passed along in community.  Then, the New Testament was written, primarily in letter form… intended to be read aloud in church, and then passed along to other communities of believers.  With invention of the printing press, the Bible was put into the hands of the individual.  A priceless gift, don’t get me wrong, but one that can make us forget that we are to practice our faith in community.

So my resolution this year is to read my Bible.  In community.  In fact, I have begun reading it at the breakfast table, with my two kids right there.  So that they can see their mother read the Word of God.  And I am going to talk about it.  With my teenage friend.  And with others.  I am going to dive deeper into friendships, say the hard and vulnerable things, and try and allow others to really know me.  I am going to continue with Spiritual Direction.  In sum, continue to have a PERSONAL faith, but no longer make it PRIVATE.  It’s scary.  But here I go… IMG_6701

hot tea

/ Marissa / 3 Comments

Resolution #1: Drink More Hot Tea.

IMG_6688So here is the thing about hot tea.  It takes a while.  First, you have to boil the water.  Then, allow the tea to steep.  There is a ritual to the process.

Hot tea isn’t designed to be guzzled.  Gulping mouthfuls could pose an actual hazard to your health.   Just the act of preparing a cup of tea for yourself is a statement of intent.  I am investing 5 minutes in my own pleasure.  

I need that.

For me, drinking hot tea is an investment in my own personhood.  Every time I brew a cup, I am reminding myself that I, too, am a human to be taken care of.  I spend so much of my day in the service of others.  Spooning baby food into hungry mouths, wiping noses, racing to daycare, to work, to the store… Most of the time taking care of myself falls to the bottom of the list of urgent concerns.  So, when I fill my kettle, I am taking a moment to remind myself that I matter.  That investing in my own comfort isn’t wrong, but instead, can be an act of discipleship.  For I, too, am a person God dearly loves.  My feet, too, would be cleansed by our Savior.  He cares about me, not just those in my care.  And therefore, I should too.

The tea kettle also reminds me that not everything is a race.  It’s ok to stop and take a breath.  In fact, the world will not fall apart because you are choosing to alter your harried pace.  Moments when we choose to break the thought pattern of hurry are essential.  It not only reminds us that we aren’t in control, but it also acknowledges the One who is. I can grind my teeth at a redlight, drum my fingers on the steering wheel and curse the city manager who CLEARLY HAS NO IDEA HOW TO TIME STOPLIGHTS (and I do), or I can take that moment to stop the insanity.  Breathe deeply.  Notice the world around me, engage with the children in my backseat.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’ ‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.
Luke 10:38-42

I spend so much of my life in Martha mode.  Intending to spend time at the Lord’s feet, but knowing the practical things that need to get done.  In my mind, these things must be done first, before I am free to rest.  And it’s true.  People need to be fed.  Things need to be cleaned.  I need to pick my kids up from school and to go to work.  But if I wait to sit at God’s feet until all those tasks are finished, I will never get there.  I need moments where I choose to remind myself that God is in control and I am not, that my time and my schedule and my mental to do list is not the most important thing.  Drinking tea has become a daily metaphor of that to me- reminding me to be a Mary, not a Martha.

Resolutions

/ Marissa / 2 Comments

OK. Let’s admit it.  Yes, it is a new year.  But nothing has actually changed.  We still (for the most part) have the same obligations, schedules, plans, and responsibilities that we had on December 31st.  Is anything truly different today than it was on December 31st?  Probably not.

That being said.

I am always an advocate for taking a step back and looking at the big picture.  Are you doing what you want to be doing with your life? To give voice to the John Mayer song playing in the back of my mind- Am I living it right? 

When January 1st comes round, we pin a fresh calendar up upon the wall.  The holidays are over.  Our lives have settled down into a long winter’s nap.  Though we are still doing the things that we do, the crescendo has passed.  So I would argue that now is a GREAT time to re-evaluate the way you are going about living your life.

I have a love/hate relationship with the thought of resolutions as well.  It seems so often like we as a society set ourselves up to fail with our resolutions.  They are so targeted, so quantitative… go to the gym every day… lose 20 pounds… read a book a week… eat only paleo/vegan/grass fed free range chicken… Oftentimes, resolutions tend to add more to our plates, instead of carving things away.  They increase our sense of burden instead of freeing us to live more intentionally.

The last thing I need in life right now is one more thing to do.  I just can’t commit to committing to anything else.  So my resolutions this year are more big picture.  Theoretical. Related to the way I approach my life instead of the specific things I am going to do or not do.

I hope you will indulge me as I engage with them in the next few blog posts…

the Giver

/ Marissa / 1 Comment

I went to the funeral of my dear friend’s mother last week.  She was an incredible woman- beautiful, wise, kind, hospitable.  She will be deeply, deeply missed.  At the service, the pastor read a letter written by Rosy- and her words affected my profoundly.  She was such a wise woman.  I am so glad I was blessed to know her.

One thing she said has stuck with me.  It was so simple it seems obvious, and yet, it was profound.

If we acknowledge it as a gift, we must acknowledge the Giver.
– Rosamound Hodnett Jenkins

There is so much here.  I am only just beginning to unpack it.

A gift…
What IS a gift?  Christmas is a time of year when we are inundated by the word “gift.”  In a way, it has become a euphemism for the rampant consumerism our Western culture has chosen to embrace.  When we think gift, we think products.  Merchandise.  Something tactile, wrapped up and presented with a bow and a card.  And yet, isn’t the true value of the gift not the thing itself, but the thought and love put into its purchase?  My hope, with each gift I give, is a message of affection.  I choose my gifts carefully, wanting to validate who they are as a person with something they would like.  Not just stuff to clutter up their lives.  My hope is that the gift says not only “I love you”  but “I see you.”  Isn’t that what we want from God as well?

If we acknowledge it as a gift…
We have all been given gifts.  In fact, everything we have is a gift.  Our lives, our loved ones.  Our experiences, memories, possessions, the era of humanity we occupy today.  The breath of air you just took.  We are so richly, deeply blessed.  Beyond anything we can imagine, and impossibly beyond anything we deserve.  And yet, how often do we stop and marvel?

Funerals can be one of those times.  Have you ever noticed that funerals are often called A Celebration of Life?  Why do we wait until someone dies to celebrate life? Shouldn’t we make celebration a part of our practice as Christians?

As a mother of 2 little ones, I am blessed with 100 miracles a day.  The giggles of my baby girl.  The kisses my toddler gives.  Mispronounced words and the opportunity to hear the world interpreted through the eyes of a 3 year old.  Lingering meals neccessitated by the slow pace spoon feeding requires.  Tiny socks.  I want to resolve to begin celebrating my life more.  Living a life of thankfulness. Acknowledging the precious moments I am given each day as a gift, and in return, thanking the Giver.

If we acknowledge it as a gift, we must acknowledge the Giver.
The Bible makes it clear: we are all created as individuals, and each of us has talents, interests, and capabilities that make us unique.  There has never been anyone like you, and there never will be.  Yet, I have spent most of my life trying to blend in with the crowd.  Following trends and social mores instead of celebrating my uniqueness.

Too often, we hide our lights under a bushel.  We are afraid to sing, or to paint or to love math because we don’t want to seem proud.  We don’t want to brag.  We know there is someone out there in the world who is better than us, so why act like we are good at something in the first place?

And yet, our talents are not truly our talents.  They are gifts.  Abilities and passions given to us by God.  Given to YOU- on purpose.  So therefore using that gift, owning that gift, sharing that gift with others isn’t an act of self promotion or pride, instead, it is an act of worship.

So go.  Play baseball.  Build a table.  Write a song.  Bake cookies with your children.  And do it with joyful abandon, knowing that you are using the gift given to you by the Giver.  You were created that way on purpose.  God knows the things you love to do.  Doing them, and doing them joyfully, is an act of thanksgiving.  giftCenterPresentBow

a Great Light

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A thought exercise:  Imagine this time of year without Christmas.  And by Christmas,  I am not referring (for the moment) to the Nativity story, but to the whole shabang.  The lights, the music, the food, the presents, the songs.  What would December be like if Christmas were not a holiday?

My thoughts are summed up in one word: dark.  Winter solstice is tomorrow.  The sun will rise at 7:28 AM.  It will set at 5:10 PM.  A scant 10 hours of sunlight.   For weeks now the darkness has been invading.  The sun has set by the time I pick my kids up from daycare.  The only daylight hours I spend inside, sitting at my desk, illuminated in the blue glow of my work.  There is even a new moon tomorrow- nothing to light the night sky.

Except.

Except for the Christmas lights.  Hundreds of them.  Clinging to lamp posts, dripping from rooftops, wrapped around porches and bushes and stair rails.  Moravian stars hanging from doorways.  Candles illuminating windows.  In the great darkness of winter, light is invading.

We have a whole set of novelties built into Christmas lore to combat the doldrums of the darkness.  New music to listen to, the lyrics filled with messages of joy.  Presents chosen and given with abandon.  Parties.  Parades.  Movies, TV specials.  All ways that we mark this season as different, joyful, the most wonderful time of the year.

What if Jesus’ entry into the world was the same?

the people living in darkness
    have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
    a light has dawned
Matthew 4:16

Christ’s advent was the dawning of a great light.  It brought hope to an increasingly dark world.  His message was one of redemption, of forgiveness, of freedom from the restrictive system of sacrifice.  Before, we were bound to the Law.  In Him, we have been redeemed.  We are free to give of ourselves, give to others.

How is your world lately?  Is it growing darker, busier, more repressed?  Or have you been gazing at the Light?  Are you living in drudgery, or in wonder?  What do you need to do to be able stop and marvel at the Hope that was born on Christmas day?

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Advent

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Truth: By this time last week, I was already sick of Christmas.  Those of you who know me may have a hard time believing that.  Christmas has always been my thing.  When my husband and I were dating, we had to have several (heated) conversations about when the appropriate date to start playing Christmas music would be.  (me- October 1st.  him- December 23rd)  However, working at a church makes Christmas your busiest time of year.  I have two MAJOR church events I am coordinating that happen between December 21st and 24th, involving most of that week and about 200 people.  Overwhelming.

And then there is the fact that I have two children.  All of a sudden, there is so much pressure to create Christmas memories.  Pictures with Santa.  Tours through the lights.  The perfect tree.  The decorated house.  The Pintastic holiday cards.  The music.  The cookies.  The candy.  The parties.  The Christmas PJs and Christmas dresses and angel breakfast and nativity plays and presents for daycare teachers and… And… AND…

It was December 8th.  My house was not decorated.  I had no tree.  No Christmas cards.  No energy.   I hadn’t been able to go to worship at my church for 2 weeks because I was too busy doing OTHER things for church.  I wanted it done.

Amy, my pastor/supervisor/friend, gave me great advice.  Advent is about celebrating the approach of Christmas, not its onslaught.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed that Christmas is only 3 weeks away, savor the fact that you still have 3 weeks to prepare for the coming of our Lord.

ad·vent
ˈadˌvent/
noun
 The arrival of a notable person, thing, or event.

Advent is the discipline of anticipation.  It is about arrival, not about adherence.  It is the practice of preparing our hearts and minds to meet the Lord.  It is not about decorations, trees, or creating new memories.  It is instead, about savoring the shared memory that we as Christians hold together.  Christ has come.  As a baby, as a Savior, as our Sacrificial Lamb.  This season is about privilege, not obligation.  And for me, it may not be about the date on the calendar.  I can celebrate the miracle of the birth of Christ just as honestly the week after Christmas as the week before.  And perhaps that needs to be part of my personal spiritual walk, at least in this stage of life.

But that doesn’t resolve what to do with the STUFF that comes along with Christmastime… And here is where I have landed.  I am going to try and mine the original intent from these practices.  I want to see these things as part of the celebration of advent.  The lights can remind us of Christ, the LIGHT of the world.  The parties, a way to celebrate this miracle with those who we hold dear.   The cards, a way to send our thoughts and love to our people far away.  The gifts, a chance to remember the Gift we have been given.  And if something robs me of my joy (*cough* ELF ON THE SHELF), it gets eliminated.

And now, from a better place of mind and heart, I can say,

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Let your heart be light… 

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And then there is this… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgOIYvDgSLg

Opportunity (has) Cost

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Two roads in a yellow wood
But only one pair of legs.
Each decision a yes
But in the same breath, no.

A wishbone snaps.
One side victory, the other, splintered.
Each side broken, in different ways.

When we choose
do we hold the duality in our minds?
In each destiny there dwells a shadow side,
A legacy not engaged.

This is the balance of life, the yin and the yang.
And that is how it should be,
For we are made of flesh and not of feathers.

How do we lay ourselves before the throne of God,
Our lives, our collection of yesses and nos.

What story do these declinations tell?
Is it one of faith?
Or of fear?

How do I listen Lord, standing in a yellow wood?
Which path is mine to take?

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The art of radical listening

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Where does one hear The Lord?
How does one learn to listen for His voice?

Is it found on the lips of the street corner evangelist,
in the Sunday morning pulpit,
or the rustling pages of scripture?

What about a baby’s cry,
a train whistle,
or the solitary song of a cricket?

Does it float down with the autumn leaves
or crackle in the logs on a fire?

How do I listen for the Almighty?
Is it a matter of preparing my ears, my eyes,
Or my heart?

and if I quiet myself, will I recognize Who I hear?