I Like Big Buts…

 

Psalm 13
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?

    How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
    Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
    because he is good to me.

The words of this Psalm seem so tender to me.  I can think of months… years… when my prayers sounded just like this.  Hard times find us all.  And when we are in the midst of them, it seems as if God is so very far away, that he has forgotten us.  Psalms of Lament (like Psalm 13) make up almost 1/3 of the Psalms in the Bible.  Clearly, God wants us to know that it is ok to come to Him with our pain.  To cry out in the midst of the situation, to bemoan the hard place you have found yourself in.

I love that we serve a God that gives us permission to be in pain. I love that we serve a God big enough to handle our heartbreak, our fears, even our selfish concerns.  I love that in the Psalms, He models for us what it looks like to lay yourself out before God, exactly how you are.  No artifice, no pretending.

However, in the times I have spent in this place, I have noticed that I can become myopic.  We get so stuck on our story and our situation that we lose the greater picture.  Our prayers become smaller, and, eventually, lose focus on God and become completely focused on ourselves.

It is in this, too, that the Psalms of Lament can be our example.  Because, in their formula, there is always a common thread…

a big BUT.

But I will trust in your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me.  I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.  

Remember.  The Psalmist is still in the midst of the pain.  There is no rescue in sight.  And still, the ‘but’ remains.  In the midst of the darkness, he is affirming what he knows to be true.  That we serve a powerful God.  One who loves us with unfailing love.  He celebrates a rescue that seems far away and still incomplete.  He chooses to sing of the Lord’s goodness in the midst of the darkness.

That’s one pretty big but.

What is the difference between a lament and a complaint?

That is a question that was posed in my Sunday School class a few weeks ago.  And, truly, I think that the primary difference is the presence of a but.  We can lament, while still affirming God’s sovereignty.  We can mourn, while still acknowledging a Plan that is at work.

When we complain, we forget to remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness, and we get lost in our own pain.  We are limited by our own perspective. Our story ceases to be The Story, but becomes our own story, smaller, diminished.  We don’t choose to believe in the redemption that is coming, both for us as individuals, but also us as a People of God.

Buts are important.  Crucial even.

 

 I like big buts.  And I cannot lie.

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{take a} Leap Day

All day yesterday I had an idea for the perfect Instagram.  Me, jumping (15 year old girl style) on Leap Day.  Perfect, right?  Unfortunately, it is hard to take a selfie of oneself while leaping in the air.  And then…. I forgot.

As I got in bed last night, I thought to myself- DARN IT!  I lost my one chance for my leap day picture, and now I have to wait 4 more years for it…. will Instagram still be around in 4 years?  Will I be too old to be able to jump in 4 years?  My 4 year old will be 8 in 4 years- EIGHT!  What grade is that, like fourth?  He’s going to be going to college like tomorrow… (and on and on into my typical mom brain existential crisis)…

Then, I realized that, even worse than not taking a leap day picture, did I take ANY leaps yesterday?

When was the last time I took a leap of faith?

When is the last time I did something that scared me?  Tried something when I didn’t know if I would succeed?

I couldn’t answer.

Over and over in scripture, God seems to be calling people out of their comfort zones.  Into a place where they don’t know what to do or how to do it. That is the model set before us by the prophets, Jesus, the apostles, the exhortations of Paul.

And yet here I remain, in my comfortable cocoon, upset because my leap day wasn’t Instgram-tastic.

Oops.

For we have not been given a spirit of timidity or fear, but one of power, love and self control.
-2 Timothy 1:7

Power. Love. Self Control.  Not fear.  Yet fear is the way I am operating in my life.

So, time to leap.  Into what?  I am not sure.  But I think it’s time to loosen up my tight grip on control and see where God leads me!  Care to join?